


lookin' at you, like a star

by luminouspoes (rosesmallow)



Series: in the winter night sky ships are sailing [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Poe Dameron (Comics)
Genre: (It's Lu'lo), AFAB!reader, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Light Angst, Poe Needs A Hug, Reader Is There To Give It, Reader-Insert, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27950465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesmallow/pseuds/luminouspoes
Summary: Reader is a medic for the Resistance and Poe's best friend. When Poe returns from a mission injured and grieving a lost friend, she's there to help him out.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Reader, Poe Dameron/Reader
Series: in the winter night sky ships are sailing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078412
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	lookin' at you, like a star

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after issue #13 of the Poe Dameron comics which I highly recommend reading! I plan on this being a little series, so expect more hopefully sometime soon!
> 
> Update: heavily annoyed with myself over this but there's a small continuity error - Oddy doesn't die until a few issues after #13. However, since a lot of the conversations in the fic are centered around this little error, I don't feel like reshaping the fic to fix it. Sorry guys!

You try not to shiver as you step out from the base, eyes on the sky as you pull your sweater closer. There’s a chill to the D’Qar air tonight which sent just about every other officer inside but you.

It’d been almost a year since you joined the ranks of the Resistance, leaving behind a promising medical career on Lothal to do it, but you had no regrets. All you ever wanted was to help others, and there was a dire need for healers in the Resistance. You were happy to provide aid wherever you could, to whoever needed it.

Besides, the Resistance had become a new family to you. Before you usually kept to yourself, always feeling the need to erase parts of yourself for others’ comfort, but something about the people here brought out the best version of you, made you come alive. 

Few people were as good at making you come alive quite like Poe Dameron, the shining star in the sky you were currently impatiently waiting to return with the rest of Black Squadron. You didn’t know much about the mission he was on (or any of the many other missions he’d been dispatched on recently), only that it was important to the General and, more frustratingly, classified.

What you  _ absolutely  _ knew for certain was that Poe had been different these past few weeks. There was a tension in his shoulders that wasn’t typically there, he was more irritable, and he was spending a lot of time isolated from others when he wasn’t on a mission. One day last week, you’d found him in one of the gyms, taking out his frustrations on a particularly beat-up looking punching bag.

What had stuck with you was how  _ exhausted  _ he’d looked recently. There were bags under his eyes and his usual upbeat attitude was chipped down. You just wanted to reach out and help him, understand whatever it was that was eating away at him, but vulnerable Poe was not.

You straighten up as four ships enter the atmosphere. Immediately, you hail the attention of the ground-crew, heart hammering in your chest, smile wide on your face until you realize what’s horribly,  _ terribly  _ wrong. 

Five ships left.

Four came back.

_ Oh no. _

It takes an agonizingly long time for all the ships to make landfall. You push and shove your way through the landing crew to get to the front, searching desperately for a sign of your bloody  _ idiot  _ flyboy _ —  _

First, you see Snap hugging Kare, then Jessika walking away, wiping tears from her eyes and your heart plummets down, down,  _ down.  _ He can’t be -

No. No, you’d  _ know.  _ The stars wouldn’t be twinkling so brightly, so beautifully if you were currently standing in a universe without Poe Dameron in it...right?

Wordlessly, you move forward to the remaining members of the Black Squadron. Your struggle to keep your voice steady as you call out, “Snap?”

He looks up, eyes shining. He squeezes Kare’s arm, presses a kiss to her cheek, and moves to meet you.

You’re on your tippy-toes, still searching for a head of thick black curls and a boisterous orange flight suit when Snap pulls you into a hug. You accept it but pull back quickly, “Snap, who didn’t make it?”

Snap sighs and lowers his eyes. “L’ulo got shot down. Oddy, too.”

You inhale sharply, tears rapidly springing to your eyes. You didn’t know L’ulo well, but he was a kind and fun fellow, and he meant  _ everything  _ to -

“Where’s Poe?” 

“He took off as soon as we made landfall. Beebee-Ate went after him but...he’s not doing good, Y/N. He also needs medical attention but I don't think he's in the right headspace to be thinking about that.”

“How badly was he hurt?” You demand as a fierce level of protectiveness rises through you. 

“Terex stabbed him in the hand. Poe wrapped it before we made it home, but he —” 

“Still needs to get it looked at.” You confirm and try not to groan. “I’ll find him.” You start to turn away to do just that but you hesitate and turn back to Snap. “I’m sorry about L’ulo and Oddy.”

Snap’s smile is too weary and too heartbreaking for you to focus on when he replies, “Part of the job.”

  
  


You dash through the base, any chill forgotten, as you rush into the medbay. Doctor Kalonia is still on duty and looks up with concern as you enter. “Is something wrong, Y/N?”

“Dameron requires medical attention.” Your voice is calm and steady as you head to your station to collect a medpac. “He was stabbed in the hand.”

“And he doesn’t think that’s a worthy excuse for a trip to sickbay?” Kalonia asks with a blink. 

You hesitate. You don’t want to spread gossip, certainly not about Poe, but it’s Doctor Kalonia. “He’s — he lost someone important to him today. I’m not sure he’s even thinking about sickbay right now.”

Kalonia’s expression turns soft. “Poor boy, as if he hasn’t lost enough already.” She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles. “If anyone can help him, you can.”

You frown as she slips away, not sure what to make of her comment, but you decide to push it away for the time being so you can focus on finding Poe. You do a quick sweep of the base, even stop by his quarters, across from yours. You don’t get a response when you knock and there are no lights on inside as far as you can tell, so you decide he probably isn’t there either.

Which leaves one likely option.

* * *

And sure enough, you find him on the roof.

Beebee-Ate is nowhere to be seen, it’s just Poe alone, his legs drawn up to his chest as his shoulders shake. You freeze, unsure if you should give him a few minutes alone or try and comfort him. Once you spy his bandaged hand and the blood soaking through it, you decide you can’t wait any longer.

“Poe?” 

Your voice comes out quiet, small, and unsteady. You have no idea what to do in this scenario. Sure, you have some experience in bedside manners, but seeing Poe break down factures your certainty. 

He tenses, his jacket rustling as he tries to wipe away tears before you can see them. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

You take a step closer to him. He still hasn’t turned to face you, and you’re almost afraid to look at the heartache sure to be found on his face. 

“Snap said you got hurt…” You whisper, bending down in front of Poe. His eyes are red-rimmed and his cheeks shine from the tears he tried to hide. “Oh, Poe.”

Gently, you place your hand against his cheek. Poe leans tiredly into it, closing his eyes with a sigh. “We lost Lu’lo and — Oddy — he’s gone too.”

You open your mouth to say  _ sorry  _ again, but you hesitate. You remember the anger you felt when all anyone had to say to you were platitudes and “sorry”s when you lost a friend to the First Order. Sorrys didn’t change the story, didn’t alleviate the grief. Instead, you ask, “What can I do?”

Poe stays quiet for so long you wonder if he missed what you said or if he fell asleep from exhaustion. Just as you’re about to ask again, he mumbles, “I thought I wanted to be alone but I don’t think..I’d mind some company.”

You don’t hesitate. “I’ll stay, then.”

“Thank you.”

You nod and sit down on your butt, folding your legs lotus style next to him. “Can I see your hand?”

Poe hums in confusion before it dawns on him. “Oh, right. Terex stabbed me.” He holds up the injured hand for emphasis. You gently take it. He wrapped it pretty well, but the cut still needs to be treated. You slowly start to unwrap the fabric as Poe continues, “I beat him. Terex. Not after the stabbing, Beebee-Ate did that but —” he cuts himself off so abruptly that you still, afraid you’ve hurt him trying to unwrap his hand, but the look in his eyes says otherwise.

“But what, Poe?” You ask as you open the medpac to pull out a canister of bacta-spray. You hold his gaze as you continue, “You can talk to me.”  _ Please talk to me. _

Poe opens his mouth a few times, trying to gather the words. Just as you think he’s going to slam up all the walls you know he has, he finally admits, “I let the First Order take Terex.”

“He got away?” You ask as you begin to administer the spray. Poe winces as the medicine hits the injury and your heart-rate spikes. You don’t like hearing him in pain. 

“No. No, he didn’t.” Poe’s voice is colder now. You look up and he’s staring fixedly on the horizon. 

You exhale and lean back as the medicine starts to set in: you have to wait a few minutes before you can rebandage his hand, so you elect to watch his profile. There’s a single curl that’s fallen in front of his face that you want to reach out and push back, but you refrain from doing so. “Talk to me. What happened with Terex?” 

“He betrayed the First Order. They showed up to capture him and I - I  _ knew  _ what they'd do to him. I didn’t ask for them to show any mercy or to give him to the Resistance. I asked for a minute with him. I  _ gloated _ , Y/N. We won and he lost everything and I told him…” Poe closes his eyes again, taking a deep breath. “I told him the First Order would take the rest and I  _ still  _ handed him over.”

You look down at his hand, at the jagged wound still raw and red there. You can’t muster up any sympathy for Terex, whoever the hell he was, not if he hurt Poe. Not if he had any hand in Lu’lo’s death. 

“The scariest part is that I don’t regret it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. What kind of person does that make me?” Poe asked.

“I don’t know,” you admit. “But I know you’re still  _ you.  _ Poe Dameron, my neighbor, and friend. I know when it comes down to it, you always put your life on the line for others, for a cause much bigger than any of us. I know you choose kindness when you can. Maybe today changes things, maybe it doesn’t. From where I’m sitting? Terex only got what he deserved. He’s on the path of destruction he set for  _ himself. _ ”

Poe holds your own certain gaze, something indecipherable flickering in his warm brown eyes. Whatever it is, it makes your breath hitch a little in your chest. The timer on your chronometer beeps, reminding you of what you’re waiting for. You dart your eyes away, fumbling for a roll of bandages.

When you turn around to produce the bandages, he’s smiling. It’s shaky, but it’s a start. “You’ve got a good heart on you, Y/N. The Resistance is lucky to have you.” Poe pauses, thinking about something, then adds, “I’m lucky to have you.”

You smile and duck your head. “What else are friends for?”

Poe doesn’t say anything in return, so you begin the slow process of rewrapping his hand. There’s already plenty of scars on them and you’re tempted to ask how he got them, but you decide not to. You press the bandage firmly in place, then cut away the excess. “Good as new,” you exclaim, tracing lines across his wrist with your thumb. “I should be able to take the bandaging off in a few days.”

“What would I do without you?” Poe comments and there’s a little more life to his voice than before. He’s starting to sound like your beloved, frustrating friend again. 

“You’ll never have to find out.” It’s a dangerous promise to make, in the middle of a war, but it’s one you’re sure of keeping. Kalonia’s words echo back to you,  _ Poor boy, as if he hasn’t lost enough already.  _ You’ll be the one to stay. You swear on every last star in the galaxy that you’ll be the one to stay.

Poe’s smile fades and he looks down at your hand, still wrapped gently around his wrist. You scooch closer to him, and ask, “What else is wrong? I can tell, something’s troubling you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Poe shakes his head. 

“It does. You don’t have to go through it alone, Poe.”

“Don’t I?” He asks, voice ragged as he turns to face you. “I’m their  _ leader _ , Leia expects me to be more, I  _ have _ to be strong enough to carry the weight for all of them. But I’m not, I can’t go through it alone.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I already have, thanks to Terex.” Poe scrubs his face. “We had a mole inside Black Squadron. I couldn’t trust any of my teammates. It killed me, Y/N. Turned out it was Oddy feeding them information, he didn’t have a choice, but - what if it happens again? If I can’t trust the people around me, what the hell am I supposed to do?”

You look away, down at your hands. You know too well what it’s like to know you can’t trust those around you. It takes a moment for Poe to realize what he’s said has hit close to home. “Hey,” he breaths, reaching out for you, “I’m sorry. I forgot about —” he stops himself before he can finish, unsure if he should voice it.

“No, don’t.” You murmur, staring at his hand resting lightly on your kneecap. “It’s fine, Poe. I’m supposed to be comforting you, remember?”

“You don’t have to.” 

You start to admonish him but it falls short on your lips when you take him in, how worn-out and heartbroken he looks, how there’s a dash of surprise in there, too, surprise that anyone  _ would _ comfort him: the Resistance’s Golden Boy. How lonely that pedestal must be.

“You don’t have to.” He repeats, hand slipping away from you and you realize he’s offering something else. In the year you’ve known him, you’ve successfully gotten closer to him than anyone else has, chipped away at the walls he’s clumsily put up. 

He’s offering you a chance to walk away before you see  _ him _ . 

You grab his hand firmly. “I  _ want  _ to.”

He inhales shakily, threads your fingers together. “Can I trust you?”

“I trust you.” 

“Trust goes both ways,” he murmurs and you smile. It’s a saying you’ve held close to your heart, it’s been your motto for so long. 

“Yeah, it does. It’s the only thing that keeps us together, we can’t let the First Order take it away from us.” You exhale shakily, thinking of your parents. They’d turned their back on the New Republic, on democracy,  _ on you,  _ to join the monster that's risen up out of the ashes of the Empire.

Poe looks up at the stars. “I don’t ever want to doubt my team again.”

You follow his gaze. “I hope you don’t either.”

* * *

“You didn’t have to walk me back to my quarters.”

Poe makes a noise in the back of his throat. “It’s the least I can do since you stitched up my wounds for me.” He isn’t just talking about his hand and you both know it.

The corridors are warm and empty, and you both walk shoulder to shoulder. Poe’s flight jacket is zipped up to his chin and it looks strange like that. Colder, somehow. You miss how he styled it the other way. 

“Will you be okay?” You ask as you turn into another hallway. You’d spent several hours up on the roof together, Poe sharing stories with you about Lu’lo. He seemed to skirt around a few things, dodged some of your questions with jokes, but it was the most he’d shared with you about his past. Despite the circumstances, you couldn’t help but treasure that. Poe’s trust was like a precious jewel you never wanted to lose.

Poe mulls over your question for a moment. “I don’t know. Not for a while, probably, but I think I will be, someday.” He stops mid-stride, blinking at the door to your room. “Oh. We’re here.”

So you are. You reach over and enter the code to open the door, then pause. “Do you want to come in? I could make us some tea or some caf.”

“It’s pretty late...I don’t want to keep you up any later than I already have.” Poe scratches the back of his neck.

“I don’t have a shift in the morning.” You assure him as your door slides open with a hiss. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, though.”

You wish he would though. That moment on the tarmac, terrified he hadn’t come home is still fresh in your memory, the fear still coiled loosely around your heart. You don’t want to be away from him, not yet, maybe not ever.

He takes a step closer to you, places his hands on your arms, looks down at you with those warm eyes - his eyelashes are so  _ long _ \- and replies, “I want to. You have no idea how much I want to, but I have to find Beebee-Ate. He rolled away shortly before you showed up to recharge. I want to make sure he got there without getting distracted by anything.”

“Only your droid could be so easily distracted, Dameron.” You say dryly.

“He learns from the best.” Poe agrees and leans forward to kiss you on the crown of your head. You go still in his arms, heart fluttering wildly, until he pulls back with an odd look on his face, lips not quite turned into a smile. “Thank you for staying.”

You’re still trying to clear away the mental fog you got when he kissed you when you reply, “Always.” You clear your throat and try again. “That’s why we work so well, isn’t it? You do the reckless stuff, I look after you.”

The joke doesn’t quite land because your heart isn’t into it, eyes drifting down to his injured hand. You wished he didn’t throw himself into danger quite as much, wished he wouldn’t get hurt, but it was a war and he was an impulsive idiot and if he died you’d resurrect him long enough to kill him yourself.

Poe tilts your head up with his finger, concern knitting his brows together. “Hey, what’s on your mind?”

You start to reply but the words lodge in your throat. Somehow, somewhere along the way, Poe Dameron has made himself essential to you. The fear of losing him, brought into sharp relief by the terrifying moment before the ships landed, flipped a switch in your head.

He looks different now than he did yesterday and that terrifies you.

“I’m —” You shake your head, clearing the fog. “I’m more tired than I thought, is all.” The excuse sounds awful even to your own ears, and you can tell by the flash of disappointment that Poe knows it’s a lie too. He’s not the only one with walls.

He drops his hands from you and takes a step back. You immediately hate the distance. “Get some sleep, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You can’t fight the smile that crosses your face as you step inside your quarters. “See you tomorrow.”


End file.
